We spend our lives remembering the past, some more than others but in fact it's probably the only thing that we do all the damn time. Without distinction. That is why I will write this entry in first person without weaving with literary artifacts such as methaphors or masking a bit of me in a lot of the rest. Today, everything and me are real. Why? Because always I am a fucking lie.
The simple past seems a verbal tense created to threaten us with uncomfortable truths. Truths that already hit our conscience and were assimilated by our memory. Truths that are already chapters of life closed and which... Okay. Keep calm I'm not going to talk about grammar to give a boring class and to say it's used to express an action already finished. Curiously, I never stopped too much with the past and I have serious deficits to conjugate the verb, or had to say to conjugate my truths? It must be some kind of disorder, I don't know if of emotional or personality subtype but this is not the subject. Don't. I forgot (her), I forgave (her) and I loved (her). What does the order of words matter in an action already finished? Think about it. Everything: three finished actions are a fucking drama; one, maybe, maybe not. But don't think it too much. Remember the song "No es lo Mismo" (it's not the same), that stupid Alejandro Sanz lyrics which in a pre-social-network" era was a hint to Vale Music producer due to Operación Triunfo show; Vale Music producer which today doesn't exist anymore. What irony, huh? Some will come back but others never won't. But let's not stray... I was talking about pre-digital hints, and you imagine then? God, that was something that only extroverts or artists defied. It was 2003 and that Alejando Sanz song was a horrible, cheap lyrics without a good musical base. Of course, it was another era; with classic guitars, tobacco packets warningless, MTV unplugged hits and voices without autotune. Yeah, and anglicisms (between spanish phrases) were the exception, not the norm.
Return us back to the past like Operación Triunfo, but without Triumph and think about it. Or better, dont' think it too much: actions already finished that return again to be reedited. Again, yes, another fucking time. Surely there is some complex word in German that expresses such trauma, a kind of inertia than mean "loser, you repeat the same error again a again", by the way, Niemand is a german word that means no-one. Stop it. Stop this. This is beginning to be worse than a hybrid reflection between Kant, Kafka and Kierkegaard, the three together, at the same boring time, two Germans and a Dane, as a concentrated pain that you can only can digest with a vulgar drunkenness of a luxurious Château Margaux. 'Vino' (wine) for mortals and yep, 'vino' (went). The traumatic past simple. Oh mai god. Absurd.
Return back (again) to the past like if you were to return with a exgirlfriend but without the 'ex'. Think about it and not, I don't want to repeat myself but the details matter. As always: the details. Because 'no es lo mismo' to be the one who returned that be the one who decided to return. Because that false symmetry (or its absence) changes the narratives and, in essence, changes our excuses. That is why some of us do not understand the past well, we are very spiteful and it's hard for us to understand the "I loved you". Also we never tranform the "I hate you" in a "I hated you". Thus, simple as the simple past: we love or hate, in present, and we live prisoners in the limit of the words and their correct use. Because the directionality in guilt matters and because that comma obsesses to us. It's better lie to ourselves that regret of that comma. And a lie always is a present issue.
Yikes, I already going to leave behind this text because the emotional puddle in which I am getting is never ending. There will never be finished action as in the simple past. Not at least for me. And I'm proud to be like that.
I didn't love you nor did I hate you.
I was. I loved. I sang. I screamed. I wrote. I disappeared. I came back and I... I went away (again).
The simple past seems a verbal tense created to threaten us with uncomfortable truths. Truths that already hit our conscience and were assimilated by our memory. Truths that are already chapters of life closed and which... Okay. Keep calm I'm not going to talk about grammar to give a boring class and to say it's used to express an action already finished. Curiously, I never stopped too much with the past and I have serious deficits to conjugate the verb, or had to say to conjugate my truths? It must be some kind of disorder, I don't know if of emotional or personality subtype but this is not the subject. Don't. I forgot (her), I forgave (her) and I loved (her). What does the order of words matter in an action already finished? Think about it. Everything: three finished actions are a fucking drama; one, maybe, maybe not. But don't think it too much. Remember the song "No es lo Mismo" (it's not the same), that stupid Alejandro Sanz lyrics which in a pre-social-network" era was a hint to Vale Music producer due to Operación Triunfo show; Vale Music producer which today doesn't exist anymore. What irony, huh? Some will come back but others never won't. But let's not stray... I was talking about pre-digital hints, and you imagine then? God, that was something that only extroverts or artists defied. It was 2003 and that Alejando Sanz song was a horrible, cheap lyrics without a good musical base. Of course, it was another era; with classic guitars, tobacco packets warningless, MTV unplugged hits and voices without autotune. Yeah, and anglicisms (between spanish phrases) were the exception, not the norm.
Return us back to the past like Operación Triunfo, but without Triumph and think about it. Or better, dont' think it too much: actions already finished that return again to be reedited. Again, yes, another fucking time. Surely there is some complex word in German that expresses such trauma, a kind of inertia than mean "loser, you repeat the same error again a again", by the way, Niemand is a german word that means no-one. Stop it. Stop this. This is beginning to be worse than a hybrid reflection between Kant, Kafka and Kierkegaard, the three together, at the same boring time, two Germans and a Dane, as a concentrated pain that you can only can digest with a vulgar drunkenness of a luxurious Château Margaux. 'Vino' (wine) for mortals and yep, 'vino' (went). The traumatic past simple. Oh mai god. Absurd.
Return back (again) to the past like if you were to return with a exgirlfriend but without the 'ex'. Think about it and not, I don't want to repeat myself but the details matter. As always: the details. Because 'no es lo mismo' to be the one who returned that be the one who decided to return. Because that false symmetry (or its absence) changes the narratives and, in essence, changes our excuses. That is why some of us do not understand the past well, we are very spiteful and it's hard for us to understand the "I loved you". Also we never tranform the "I hate you" in a "I hated you". Thus, simple as the simple past: we love or hate, in present, and we live prisoners in the limit of the words and their correct use. Because the directionality in guilt matters and because that comma obsesses to us. It's better lie to ourselves that regret of that comma. And a lie always is a present issue.
Yikes, I already going to leave behind this text because the emotional puddle in which I am getting is never ending. There will never be finished action as in the simple past. Not at least for me. And I'm proud to be like that.
I didn't love you nor did I hate you.
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